After being diagnosed with MRKH

bloom-blooming-blossom-414660

It is true. You have it on paper. Or maybe your gyneacologist has just confirmed it via phone call. You have MRKH. What now?

-Take your time-
When being diagnosed with MRKH, you should not try to be the strong woman, at least not right from the start. It is normal that you need some time to digest the information.

As with several other types of syndromes, MRKH has an influence on how your life will proceed, at least in regard to what society considers to be a usual unfolding of a woman’s life.

-It is OK to cry-
If you feel the urge to cry, do it. If you want to scream, go ahead. It is important to let your emotions pan out in a natural way (as long as you do not hurt anyone else).

Even if it was not really the case with me, I remember some childhood friends who dreamt of having kids, preferably a boy and a girl. We even discussed cute names that would be lovely as toddlers as well as adults. These were the girls who wanted a doll to look after for their birthdays, and who, by the age of sixteen, knew all the names of Brangelina’s kids.

No matter what your dreams may be, the diagnosis often causes the breakdown of young women’s dreams. Therefore, it is natural that you need your time to digest the information.

-the internet isn’t always your friend…-

After your visit at the doctor, you might storm the internet to get a better understanding, or to seek confirmation that your diagnosis is right. Please, do not do that. If you are looking for support groups, that might be acceptable, but if you want to gather figures and facts about the syndrome, I advise you to spend limited time on the internet. Why? Because as with news on television, or other media, the internet puts a negative spin on the syndrome. All the newspaper articles I have read are strongly negative and emotionally shattering, and leave you feeling even more down about the syndrome. I am not saying that sadness or anger are misplaced after the diagnosis. What I am saying is that a negative mindset cannot be uplifted with more negativity. (I know this is ironic since this blog is an online source, but I am consciously working against negativity!)

The reception and progression of such a syndrome is a private one, so if there is not a personal negative tidal wave pulling you down, then you certainly should not consider it normal to yield to extreme sadness, or even depression.

– find the right gynaecologist –

Your social support is (in most cases) vital. And you are probably in your teenage years, which does not facilitate the situation. However, bear in mind that even though it might not feel like it, you are in control of things. This is your body, and this makes you the decision maker in the matter. You have a right to decide who you want to talk to. Don’t feel pressured to share it with everyone in your friends’ or family circle. You are in charge.

Make sure that you find a specialised gynaecologist who understands the syndrome, or who can at least send you to someone who is a specialist. If you want to have sexual intercourse, you might probably have to undergo surgery. It is important that your gynaecologist can tell about the different methods and discuss with you which suits you best.

– you are not alone-

You are not alone. At least 1 in 4,500 women is a MRKH patient. There are thousands of women across the globe with the same condition, who go, have gone or will go through the same emotions.
Don’t dwell on feelings of inferiority. That is simply not true. If you break it down, this sense of inferiority is linked to a set of social expectations, which are based on fictional designs. You do not have to bear children and raise a family. Your strength is not defined by this. You are a wonderful woman, even without a uterus. Be it from the outside or the inside, your body does not define you as a human being.

What is MRKH and signs you might have it too

Pink Flame Abstract Wallpaper

Picture: Murtaza Saifee

I know it’s difficult to explain what MRKH is- and the full name doesn’t really help with that.
The first important thing to note: MRKH, or in its full glory, Mayer Rokitansky Küster Hauser, is a syndrome and not a disease. It is a genetic disorder that runs through families and can affect girls and women from every other generation. Even if you feel lonely, from a global perspective, the syndrome is fairly frequent; it affects approximately 1 in 4,500 females.

What is MRKH syndrome?

You might have read one or the other article with the sensational headline “girl born without vagina”. I’d like to use the opportunity here to tell these journalists to do their research more thoroughly…. MRKH is much more complex than that!
The most common type (type 1) causes indeed the uterus and the vagina to be underdeveloped or absent. This is, however, mostly invisible from the outside and therefore it may go unnoticed until the girl hits puberty.
Instead, the syndrome affects the internal development of the female reproductive system. That is to say, the vaginal opening may be narrower than usual and/ or the uterus is underdeveloped or absent. Yet, the ovaries are often intact.
If you think back to biology class, you might remember that ovaries are also responsible for the production of female hormones, including oestrogen and progesterone. As soon as we enter puberty, these hormones trigger the growth of pubic hair and breasts. So, since MRKH patients have working ovaries, their bodies develop like those of other girls’- except for one thing.

What are the symptoms of MRKH?

And that one thing is your period. Yes, that’s right. MRKH patients do not get their period- ever. No uterus, no period. Sounds great? Well, yes, I partially agree. But if you think about the organ causing your period, you also know that the uterus will eventually host a tiny egg, which will become an embryo. So no uterus, no period, no child is the complete equation here.
And this pretty much concludes the symptoms. Unless your body shows symptoms of type 2 MRKH, it is pretty difficult to tell from the outside whether you are a MRKH patient. Thus, the only real symptom is when you’re the only girl in your class or friends’ circle to miss out on the monthly red visit.
Now, if you suspect that you might be affected, you should go see your gynecologist. Further diagnosis through ultrasound or MRI will help determine whether you have MRKH or not.

Treatment
If the news has been confirmed and you have MRKH syndrome, please don’t panic.
MRKH is not a lethal disease and believe me, your life will not be limited in any way.
You don’t even have to treat it, however, in some cases this might also restrict your sex life. That is to say, if you want to have sexual relations, it is often advisable to surgically deepen the vaginal opening.
There are plenty of methods to do this, and everyone should choose whatever they think is best for them.
Finally, MRKH does not mean that you have to remain childless. Many women opt for surrogacy or adoption. And thanks to the rapid medical progress, uterus transplantation has become a feasible treatment.

Make sure that you take care of your body and don’t discriminate it. Living a life with MRKH is not a curse, you can shape it into something creative and wonderful that may or may not work against the heteronormative grain. And that’s more than needed.

 

 

 

Why we need a new “Happily ever after”

blog-1.png

Happily ever after– a hyperbolic expression that brings back childhood memories of lasting marriages and other fairy tales. But in all seriousness, it is difficult to understand this phrase detached from its connotations of one happy, heterosexual marriage and its promise of a large offspring.
My mind intuitively links it with the image of Cinderella and her Prince Charming, riding away in their carriage and giving each other a gentle (but never too passionate) kiss on the lips. Children didn’t need to be shown- one simply knew that that carriage would lead them straight to their splendid family life filled with many, many children. They were only one happily-ever-after ride away.

Looking back now, it’s sad that I used to assume that children were the natural effect of a happily ever after. I never even considered a childless happy ending. That’s certainly because this didn’t really bother me as a six-year-old girl. However, would my perception be any different if fairy tales made some room for those carriage rides that no one steers toward childbirth?

Fairy tales do certainly provide some room for infertile couples, yearning for a suitable heir. And yet, in some form or another, these childless couples are always granted their wish. A sparkle of magic or a mysterious woman, hiding parts of her face in a shawl, appears and helps produce a new life into existence. Once the new-born has arrived, the focus quickly shifts to that fresh life, his/ her adventures and own becoming-of-age story. Seldom, or dare I say, never, does the story’s focus linger on that adoptive mother who needs to grasp her own infertility. That woman who tries to understand that her body works differently, and not according to the traditional, customary and oh so fairy-tale-like “plan”.

There’s a dreary shortage of heroines out there whose stories of staying childless have been told. Even if this might not occupy little girls or boys before entering adolescence, it would certainly do no harm to alter their understanding of normalcy. Being a mother or conceiving a child isn’t normal. It’s a wonderful gift which, unfortunately, not all of us get to experience.

My wish is to sit down one day and to read a fairy tale that gives some space to women who find their strength in many other things but being a mother. Whose bodies are NOT defined by the strength of carrying an embryo. Our bodies deserve respect no matter what weight or scars they were marked with. Even though women have been celebrated, hailed and supported more than ever, infertility remains a grey area only a few choose to tackle. It is as if our motherly duty is the heaviest weight to lift. I hope that the years to come allow us to slowly venture down this road, in full pride, without feeling any guilt nor shame when talking about our bodies’ abilites.

At least, that’s where I see my happily ever after.

How to Get Out of a Reading Slump

Processed with VSCO with a5 preset

Slumps are grim. Reading slumps are even grimmer. They keep us from feeding our brains with thrilling stories, complex characters and their gripping journeys and developments. Essentially, reading slumps impede our minds from stocking up valuable information- from educating ourselves.

So YES, I detest reading slumps. And I’m currently in one.

As so often, I believe that I can self-diagnose my issue and I’m pretty sure that my reading slump runs back to finishing my master programme. Which, in theory is great news and yes, I am beyond happy that I can finally call myself “a literature graduate”. AND it also means that I can finally read whatever I fancy reading.

This is enormous for literature students. Only a few people understand that as a literature student reading becomes a chore. It, of course, depends on the assigned books, but if we have to read two literary fiction novels and three theoretical articles in four days, then no one should judge us for turning on Netflix at the end of the day instead of delving into Shakespeare “just for fun”. That being said, I’m a bit overwhelmed by the fact that I can finally read whatever and when I want to (Whenever, wherever, …). And thus, I identify my reading slump as a symptom of my graduation.

However, I still really enjoy reading and I don’t want to remain in that frustrating slump. Therefore, I brainstormed, researched and compiled five tips and tricks to get out of my slump and I hope that they will help you too.

1) Wake up earlier

I just heard my imaginery audience groan at this title. However, waking up earlier means that there are some extra minutes left for reading. It doesn’t need to be at five in the morning, but waking up fifteen minutes earlier to read five (or ten) pages will already help to reignite that passion for reading.

2) Read something out of your literary comfort zone…

If you’re an avid fiction reader, try out some non-fiction books and vice versa. Or explore new genres, such as fantasy, romance or horror literature. Most readers stick to one, two, maximum three genres- myself included. Yet, sometimes it’s fun to let in some new perspectives into your literary radar.

3) Calendar blocking

If I want to increase my productivity, I rely on calendar blocking. I basically fill in my entire day from 7am to 22pm to make sure that I don’t spend some valuable time on meaningless social media scrolling. Why not try to block some hours to get in that extra reading? If we treat it like a priority, it becomes a priority.

4) Reading dates

Do you have a bookworm friend, just like yourself? A fun way to get in more reading is to plan a book date together. Go to a cafe, order a large cappuccino, macchiato or tea and spend hours reading. You coud even plan in some breaks to exchange your book impressions- or even read the same book. Creativity has no limits.

5) Set yourself up for an exciting challenge

There are loads of book challenges out there. From one book a week, to seasonal to-read-lists, to “15 books everyone should read”. Sometimes it helps to set yourself up for a good old challenge. To give you an extra push, why not follow some of the amazing book bloggers, bookstagramers or booktubers out there? They have created their own reading challenges and templates which are lot of fun and easy to follow. And if following and sharing others isn’t your cup of tea, you can always create your own challenge.

There you have it! Five tips and tricks to get yourself out of a nasty reading slump!

I will certainly attempt to wake up earlier and squeeze in some extra reading minutes…

 

 

Is Harvey Weinstein today’s Bluebeard?

Is Harvey Weinstein today’s Bluebeard?

In the seventh episode of OUADT Podcast, Laury identifies the shocking links between Bluebeard and Hollywood’s perpetrator, Harvey Weinstein. It’s a fairy tale (or horror story) with a modern twist, as it were.

For those that are not familiar with the fairy tale, Laury kicks off the episode with a little narration of Bluebeard. A brief introduction to the fairy tale’s origins will follow and finally, she ends the episode with her personal “Bluebeardian” interpretation of Harvey Weinstein.

Links:

Blog: https://myrockydances.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/onceuponadifferenttime/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/LaurySch12

Review: The Surface Breaks by Louise O’Neill

OUADT Rating: 5/5
OUADT recommends this book to:
Anyone who’s interested in fantastic creatures, even better if they are mermaid lovers. And to people who have an inclusive feminist mindset, not necessarily a subversive understanding of feminism (DISCLAIMER: book contains strong instances of patriarchy).

35392365_10216796123321323_6844300470899441664_n

I turned the last page and all I could say was “wow”. And that’s not even enough to capture what I felt after I finished the last sentence of The Surface Breaks by Louise O’Neill.

Summary: Deep beneath the cold, stormy sea, Gaia is a mermaid who dreams of freedom from her controlling father. On her first swim to the surface, she is drawn towards a human boy. Gaia longs to join his carefree world, but how much will she have to sacrifice? What will it take for the little mermaid to find her voice?

This book felt like a treat, even a reward, for myself. No, I’m serious. Today, I finished the pre-final draft of my master thesis on the feminist and transcultural complexity of the mermaid figure in different literary genres. And one of my findings was that mermaids have to use irrational means to break apart the phallogocentric order… I don’t want to bore you with my research but I just want to give you a taste of how exciting I was to read this re-writing of the little mermaid, which so neatly chimed in with one of my main interests in the mermaid figure: her objectification and suppression by men.

I really need to turn the novel inside out for criticsm, but I was slightly disappointed by the Sea Witch, called Ceto. I really enjoyed her unapologetic self-confidence and her exchanges with the little mermaid, but I found her character so intriguing that I wish it would have been explored a bit more.

If anything, this re-writing is filled with patriarchs. Firstly, there’s Gaia’s father who’s most satisfied when feared by his daughters. Then, there’s Gaia’s betrothed, Zale, who’s more than double her age, an overt sexist and a blood-thirsty tyrant. And lastly, there’s ungrateful Oliver, for whom Gaia sacrifies nearly everything. Most people argue that there are not enough nice men in the re-writing, and although I agree that the only two decent men are either side characters or dead, I don’t think that the gender disparity has been subverted.

O’Neill does not try to blame either gender; instead, her re-writing sheds light on different means of female suppression. From a distorted body image, to gay love, to female sexuality- the list of topics which O’Neill manages to bring in is impressively vast. And unfortunately, the limits of these topics go back to a white, patriarchal order.

Some readers don’t believe that the novel does justice to its feminist label because almost the entire narrative centres on Gaia’s suppression and patriarchal objectification. Again, I disagree. Feminism is not about subverting injustice; feminism begins when gender injustice is identified and brought to the fore. Also, we should keep in mind that this is a feminist reimagining of the little mermaid, and not a new feminist narrative. Accordingly, O’Neill infused the narrative with a feminist tone without completely deviating from Andersen’s original. Her poetics clearly show how wrongly the sea patriarch is treating his daughters. And for all the feminists craving great action, well there’s the ending (not going to say more at this point, #spoilerfree).

Apart from the feminist debate, the story is gripping and could easily be read in one sitting. The writing is light, but not simplistic, and sets the perfect tone for a fairy tale re-writing. Here’s one of my favourite passages:

I breathe in, and I can feel the notes trembling at the base of my throat, forming without any real effort. I open my mouth and the melody spills out, slithering through the water, turning everything it touches translucent.
The mer-folk look up at me, spellbound, the melody lacing us together as one. It has wound its way into their bodies, shivering through them. This is my gift, but unlike the much-admired symmetry of my face, this gift actually brings me joy.

Dear feminist critics, look at that last sentence. Isn’t it empowering to you?

Book details:
The Surface Breaks by Louise O’Neill
Published in 2018 by SCHOLASTIC
Available on Amazon

My Summer Reading List 2018

My Summer Reading List 2018

In the 6th episode of OUADT Podcast, Laury takes you through her reading list for summer 2018. If you’re like her, in need of a good reading list and always up for a challenge, then this episode might be just right for you.

Links:

Link to the same blog post and the reading list: https://myrockydances.com/2018/06/01/my-summer-reading-challenge/

Emma Watson’s book club: https://www.goodreads.com/group/show/179584-our-shared-shelf

Blog: https://myrockydances.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/onceuponadifferenttime/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/LaurySch12

 

Thanks for listening!
Please leave a review on iTunes, it helps me so much to improve the show.

Review: After Alice by Gregory Maguire

OUADT Rating: 2/5
OUADT recommends this book to: hardcore Alice in Wonderland fans

after alice

I’ve never come across someone who didn’t like Alice in Wonderland. Be it the original book by Lewis Carroll or the 2010 film version, with Johnny Depp’s legendary performance as mat hatter, Alice’s adventures still hold a place of fascination. That’s why I was even more intrigued to stumble across this re-writing by Gregory Maguire who, if you didn’t know, is also the author of Wicked. Yet, when I started reading it, I realised that my expectations had been way too high.

Summary: When Alice fell down the rabbit hole, she found Wonderland as rife with inconsistent rules and abrasive egos as the world she left behind. But how did Victorian Oxford react to Alice’s disappearance?

Gregory Maguire turns his imagination to the question of underworlds, undergrounds, underpinnings- and understandings of old and new, offering an inventive spin on Carroll’s enduring tale. Ada, a friend mentioned briefly in Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, sets out to visit Alice but arrives a moment too late. Tumbling down the rabbit hole herself, she embarks on an odyssey to find Alice and bring her safely home from this surreal world below the world.

I don’t want to downplay how hard it must be to re-write such an iconic work. The author has all of my due respect for his bravery- even though I was not convinced by the outcome.

It took me quite some time to get into the writing. I really struggled with the language which is quite dense. Some sentences were overloaded with references and boring descriptions, which did not help to build this child-like imaginative world. The plot alternates between Ada’s adventures in Wonderland and the families that she and Alice left behind in Victorian England. To my surprise, I was more interested in the Victorian part than in Maguire’s depiction of Wonderland. It was only in the second part of the novel that I started to enjoy reading about Wonderland and simultaneously, my interest for the Victorian world waned.

I think this reading can be more enjoyable if one keeps the first sentence of the blurb in mind: When Alice fell down the rabbit hole, she found Wonderland as rife with inconsistent rules and abrasive egos as the world she left behind.

Indeed, Maguire gives an insight into nineteenth century Britain, with a focus on the early influence of Charles Darwin, the discourse surrounding slavery and the socially imposed categories for women. As for the latter,  the novel introduces the reader to Alice’s older sister, Lydia, who’s herself struggling with her identity as a fifteen-year-old Victorian lady. Unfortunately, I wished her character had more depth, instead of representing a selfish and partly vain adolescent.

Nonetheless, I didn’t give up on the book because of two points.

Firstly, Maguire’s fascination with poetics really paid off in Ada’s playful conversation with the White Knight. Secondly, the innocent but deeply caring encounter between Ada and Siam broke my heart. The passages were so strong and I wish Maguire had spent more time on developing their relationship.

The realtionship between the three children (Ada, Siam and Alice) was the strongest and most compelling aspect to the book and it finally zoomed in on the fascinating mind of children- which is so essential to Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland.

Book Details:

After Alice by Gregory Maguire
Published in 2015 by HEADLINE
Available on Amazon

 

“And the third night…”: Why Things Come in Triplets in Fairytales

beverage-close-up-coffee-cup-754827

There are loads of tropes and patterns in fairytales that make them not only dynamic but easy to remember and recount. One of these patterns is the number 3. In case you haven’t noticed, here are some examples from the Grimms’ collection:

  • Snow White’s evil stepmother pays her three visits until she succeeds in putting her into a long slumber
  • in Rumpelstiltskin, it takes the miller’s daughter three nights until she figures out Rumpelstiltskin’s name
  • Cinderella has not one but two evil step-sisters, forming a siblings’ triad

 And yet, why is the number three so important in fairytales?

  1. “The Power of Three” or “The Rule of Three”

There’s actually a name for the fantastical triad: “the power of three” or “the rule of three”. Essentially, the number three is a mnemonic technique for the narrator. Long before fairy tales were written down, they circulated from mouth to mouth. It was mainly the job of women to keep the tales alive and to pass them on to the younger generation. Without the help of print press and often without education, these women depended on their own memory. The recurring triad constellation in tales helped the female narrators to convey the stories in a catchy way but it also helped to make the tale more memorable- and thus ready to be recounted to the next generation.

The rule of three is used in many different ways: it applies to characters such as three siblings, but also to the passing of time. In the story’s arch, there’s typically a huge twist on the third night or on the third day. It also adds to the tone of the story, since three tries are more suspenseful than just one. According to this rule, two plus one is greater than three. That is to say, the number three helps to build contrasts.

The triad contrast works especially well for defining characters. Take for example the tale of “The Golden Bird”, in which the gardener has three sons: two of them are evil robbers and tricksters, but the third one is a virtuous, diligent young man. The same goes for “Cinderella”: Cinderella is a hard-working, tolerant girl, whereas her two step sisters are idle, spoilt and manipulative. So, the two plus one method makes the three of them stand out.

  1. “omne trium perfectim” (=everything that comes in threes is perfect)

If we believe what the Romans preached then “everything that comes in threes is perfect”. Following this statement, the number three eases the tension between twos. When 1 is Black and 2 is White, then 3 needs to be Grey. If you venture outside the fairy tale realm, it becomes shockingly obvious how deeply embedded our traditional world is in this triad symbolism. Father, Mother, Child; Morning, Noon, Evening; Harry, Hermione, Ron. Once you start looking for the triads, you’ll see them everywhere!

What’s more is that when fairy tales were written down, they often pertained to certain morals and ideals and often included a religious tone. In reference to the number three, the Christian Godhead trinity supports the centrality of the number, it holds a place of divinity and completeness. In the little mermaid, for instance, she firstly lives in the waters, secondly on land with her new pair of legs and thirdly, as an aerial daughter in the sky, bringing together a cosmological triad.

  1. Act of Persuasion

Besides creating a certain balance, the number three is also used to persuade. According to studies, manipulative discourse such as ads use three reasons to persuade potential customers. Four claims would however trigger scepticism and reduce the credibility of the product.

The same pattern of persuasion can be observed in fairy tales. Indeed, this act of persuading someone is often used to break spells and charms. In “The Frog Prince”, the frog must eat from the princess’s plate and sleep in her bed for three nights to be transformed back into a human.

However, at the same time, the number three is not the only significant number- especially studied from a more transcultural perspective. The numbers seven and twelve are equally important to storytelling. It’s important to remember that these numbers are indicators of culture, religion and storytelling technique.

So there you go: three reasons why the number three is crucial to fairy tales. See what I did there?

This blog post is also available as a podcast episode.

“And the third night…”: Why Things Come in Triplets in Fairy tales

“And the third night…”: Why Things Come in Triplets in Fairy tales

It’s neither on the first day, nor on the second but on the third day that she found out his name…

Waiting until the third night comes around, having granted three wishes or being the good one out of three siblings is something so natural to fairy tales that we almost forget to question why the number 3 plays such an important role in fairy tales.

In the fifth episode, Laury explores the meaning of the number three in fairy tales and why it’s better to list three examples, instead of four.

Links:

Blog: https://myrockydances.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/onceuponadifferenttime/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/LaurySch12

 

Thanks for listening!
Please leave a review on iTunes, it helps me so much to improve the show.