It is true. You have it on paper. Or maybe your gyneacologist has just confirmed it via phone call. You have MRKH. What now?
-Take your time-
When being diagnosed with MRKH, you should not try to be the strong woman, at least not right from the start. It is normal that you need some time to digest the information.
As with several other types of syndromes, MRKH has an influence on how your life will proceed, at least in regard to what society considers to be a usual unfolding of a woman’s life.
-It is OK to cry-
If you feel the urge to cry, do it. If you want to scream, go ahead. It is important to let your emotions pan out in a natural way (as long as you do not hurt anyone else).
Even if it was not really the case with me, I remember some childhood friends who dreamt of having kids, preferably a boy and a girl. We even discussed cute names that would be lovely as toddlers as well as adults. These were the girls who wanted a doll to look after for their birthdays, and who, by the age of sixteen, knew all the names of Brangelina’s kids.
No matter what your dreams may be, the diagnosis often causes the breakdown of young women’s dreams. Therefore, it is natural that you need your time to digest the information.
-the internet isn’t always your friend…-
After your visit at the doctor, you might storm the internet to get a better understanding, or to seek confirmation that your diagnosis is right. Please, do not do that. If you are looking for support groups, that might be acceptable, but if you want to gather figures and facts about the syndrome, I advise you to spend limited time on the internet. Why? Because as with news on television, or other media, the internet puts a negative spin on the syndrome. All the newspaper articles I have read are strongly negative and emotionally shattering, and leave you feeling even more down about the syndrome. I am not saying that sadness or anger are misplaced after the diagnosis. What I am saying is that a negative mindset cannot be uplifted with more negativity. (I know this is ironic since this blog is an online source, but I am consciously working against negativity!)
The reception and progression of such a syndrome is a private one, so if there is not a personal negative tidal wave pulling you down, then you certainly should not consider it normal to yield to extreme sadness, or even depression.
– find the right gynaecologist –
Your social support is (in most cases) vital. And you are probably in your teenage years, which does not facilitate the situation. However, bear in mind that even though it might not feel like it, you are in control of things. This is your body, and this makes you the decision maker in the matter. You have a right to decide who you want to talk to. Don’t feel pressured to share it with everyone in your friends’ or family circle. You are in charge.
Make sure that you find a specialised gynaecologist who understands the syndrome, or who can at least send you to someone who is a specialist. If you want to have sexual intercourse, you might probably have to undergo surgery. It is important that your gynaecologist can tell about the different methods and discuss with you which suits you best.
– you are not alone-
You are not alone. At least 1 in 4,500 women is a MRKH patient. There are thousands of women across the globe with the same condition, who go, have gone or will go through the same emotions.
Don’t dwell on feelings of inferiority. That is simply not true. If you break it down, this sense of inferiority is linked to a set of social expectations, which are based on fictional designs. You do not have to bear children and raise a family. Your strength is not defined by this. You are a wonderful woman, even without a uterus. Be it from the outside or the inside, your body does not define you as a human being.